Once, you banished him
from your miserable mansion property
suggesting that I rent elsewhere;
but Oh Captain, My Captain (Behoover)
came back with (a pipe wrench and a shotgun
and a speech impediment and) a vengeance
better than Bruce Willis
to put a cap in your turkey's corn-fed ass.
I had to pick the bullets out
and shave some feathers before
cooking his succulent breast, but
it was delicious-- breaded and seasoned and fried
like chicken cutlet a la Vahsen.
There was much hateful rejoicing
in celebration of the Spite Turkey, don't doubt that.
Guard your pets from now on, bitch;
we like Chinese food, too.
-- Robert "The Beast" Mahoney, 2008
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