10.04.2009

Don't get in a cab if the driver is caucasian.

"I think it's that one lid has
more skin," she tried to lie at first
until our better judgments kicked in
and forced the truth upon us
as is usually the case.
It's only recent news
that I've got a lazy eye
though I've always known
about the no ass issue.
My mother calls me "Plancha",
the Spanish word for "Board".
I've never forgotten to wear a belt anywhere--
I wouldn't make it out of the house
without noticing that my pants are falling down
since there's nothing there to hold them up.
Even physical abnormalities have their advantages
if you look hard enough. Just ask...
No, that'd be mean.
I'm cynical and self-deprecating
but not a heartless misanthrope.
Let the masses find their own specks;
I can see the plank in mine.

Last week I got a letter from myself
and though that I was tripping, that my mind
had finally unhinged.
Took me a few moments
to realize it was a
Self-Addressed-Stamped-Envelope
I'd submitted with my pistol permit application.
Now take a second to decide what's scarier:
the thought that there are two of me
or the possibility of me having a concealed handgun
should the fine County of Orange decide that
that's a good idea.

Work should be fun today.
It's four in the morning and I can't sleep.
The ceiling fan spins off-kilter with an unsettling rattle
and it's too cold for the window fan
so I'm shit out of luck when it comes
to my insomnia cure-alls.
White noise or whiskey
and it's too late for the latter.

It's funny, but no surprise--
any of it, really.
I remember the relief I felt
in third grade when I learned
about the water cycle.
Up until then I'd thought
that we turned off the faucet while brushing our teeth
to prolong the day when we'd eventually run out.
For those of you who find me neurotic:
you should've seen me pre-third-grade.

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