(I've Been With Women...)

...I should've married.
...who are engaged.
...who deserved me.
...who DESERVED me.
...so innocent they made me seem sadistic.
...so psychotic they made me seem sane.
...who'll take my secrets to the grave.
...who exploited my greatest fears.
...who were out of my league.
...who knew I could do better.
...who said I was a catch.
...who treated me like a chore.
...who were good in bed.
...who were better at sleeping.
...who should've had my children.
...who knew we weren't ready.
...who've hit home.
...who've hit me.
...who still ask how I'm doing.
...who've tried to forget.
...I've never lied to.
...who got tired of catching me.
...who could almost go drink-for-drink.
...who tried being Irish, but only grew horns.
...who encouraged my passion.
...who scoffed at my hobby.
...who deserve a few lines.
...who ruined some songs.
...whom my mom loved.
...whom my mother tolerated.
...who knew it wasn't my dad's fault.
...who blamed my father for my sins.
...who were in the right place at the wrong time.
...whom I should've cut out like a cancer.
...who miss how my saliva feels.
...who know how far I can spit.

Oh God
if You're up there
counting coup
and keeping tally
of all the poor bodies
I've been inside
do this tired clown
one favor
and let them know
I'm sorry.
My only defense is simple:

I've been with women.