Deepwater Backtrack

She said laughter's all we need;
that it heals a lot of things.
The dreamer in me decided
to put that to the test.

I opened the refrigerator
and chuckled at its contents.
A degree in English appeared on my wall
freshly signed by a man I'd never met.

Next I checked my bank account
with an app that reads my thumbprint
though I don't know my own blood type.
Another joke unveiled itself
despite my constant efforts.
A ring suddenly adorned my left hand.

I made sure no one was around
and unzipped my jeans
to look down at the small source
of so many large problems.
Jackie didn't conjure herself
in my arms as expected.
I'm too big of a prick
for that degree of magic
but Lord I'd gladly trade it
for all the paper mills in Maine.

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