Whatever you deem fit.

People assume the worst
when we tell them where we're from.
"Oh, I always see that place in the paper,"
but it's really not so bad, at least not
as long as you know which streets
to avoid and when.
Most of my fellow inhabitants
like the looks they get
during these conversations
like hailing from this locale
is some badge of honor
or like someone might get sliced
if the wrong thing is said.

There's a lot of history
in this city and its surrounding towns
that I could bore you with for hours:
Washington had his headquarters here
Broadway was the second city street
illuminated by electric light bulbs
and it was the first place
to have fluoride in the water
which may explain some of the natives.
Well, either that or the fact
that it was the first American city
to have crack cocaine introduced to it
back in the 1980s.

It's had many nicknames over the years:
The Crossroads of the Northeast
due to the intersection of Routes 87 and 84
The City of Churches
due to all of the steeples visible from Beacon
just across the Hudson River
but none of these associations
have any bearing on my biggest gripe
with where I live:

What really bothers me
about this town is the simplicity of its name.
For such a diverse and exciting place
it sure sounds like something dull
an unimaginative author would come up with.
It consists of two syllables
'New' and '-burgh'
that are typically
only descriptive parts of a place's name
but never the root, never the meat.
It is essentially a prefix and a suffix
combined to form one boring word
that falls far short of describing
what living here is about: