Associamated Press

The newspaper was sitting on the table in the break room so I flipped it open to the section with the country's latest ridiculous occurrences. You know, the short little blurbs about truths far stranger than fiction that serve as good work-time conversation starters to pass the time weather-discussion-free. My eyes skimmed down to the headline with 'feces' in bold print, naturally. Something about a man on trial for murder or rape or maybe both who flung human feces at his attorney and the ladies and gentlemen of the jury. It didn't say if it was his own feces, which to me makes a big difference in terms of his statement and the depth of his psychosis and/or desperation. None of the jury members were hit, but his lawyer took a full load to the face. The irony there, of course, is that his lawyer's the one who snuck the excrement into the courtroom in a plastic bag concealed in his briefcase. That tactic must be a new one being taught at law schools around the globe, or maybe just the mail-order ones. Stool-tossing, the onside kick of legal defensive strategy. I'm assuming they were going for an insanity plea, but they got a mistrial instead. A jury can't remain unbiased if the man in question has flung feces in their general direction, that's just common knowledge. The defense attorney was peeved because the prosecutor was not banned from the next trial, though Mr. Poop-smuggler was prohibited from defending his client again. Right, as if that comes as a surprise. Give an inch and they want a mile. They pass the bar and think they're allowed to resort to circus acts recorded by a court stenographer. "If the glove don't fit, acquit," may have worked, but you'll never see anyone whole-heartedly preaching a mantra of "If the crime's legit, fling sh..." I'll keep this one PG-13 for the sake of the nation's already tarnished reputation. Let's just hope there are no copycats this time.