Columbo, as you've never seen him.

"It wasn't homicide."

"But why the duct-taped eyes, detective?"

"He didn't wanna see."

"See what?"

"The room."

"But he lived in it."

"Not spattered like this."

"If he didn't wanna see, why not the head?"

"Because the heart made more sense."

"How so?"

"They'd already taken it. Read the walls."

"They're blank."

"Exactly."

"Look, statistics show that in cases like this..."

"Statistics don't apply here, sergeant."

"Then what does?"

"The facts, the motives."

"To make Open Casket optional? He wasn't so selfless."

"His mind...he didn't wanna waste his mind."

"I'm afraid he already had, detective."

"I'll agree with that...for the record."

"So what next?"

"Let's get some lunch."

"You can't be serious."

"A cop is never cold, wet, or hungry."

"And the report?"

"It can wait."

"Sometimes I wonder how you out-rank me."

"Ask the man on the floor. He'll tell you."